Bath Advice and Moustaches

The rain poured down today all the way from Zagreb to Budapest. I didn't notice the scenery passing, but concentrated on the road through the windshield wipers and flying spray.  We followed the GPS to the "hotel" we had booked on line the night before, and pulled up outside a grand old house. The gate was open, so I stepped inside the grounds to look for an entrance. The gate swung shut behind me, leaving me locked inside a walled garden in the rain. It occurred to me that my companions and I were going about this travel experience the wrong way. We are all three experienced travelers, well educated and practical people, but we had not bothered to do the pre-booking, pre-planning, or research for this part of the trip. Why didn't we have a taxi deliver us to a hotel with a doorman waiting for us with an umbrella and a cup of coffee? Why didn't we have that massage and bus tour planned for the next day? Why didn't we have any Forints, or local currency?
Fortunately, our "host" showed up, let me out, and let us into a very nice apartment with a chandelier in each room, even the bathroom. He, himself, was not your ordinary hotel owner, but sported a curled and waxed mustache that would have put Agatha Christie's Hercule Poirot to shame. We are staying on Gellert Hill, named after St. Gerard, who was thrown to his death from the hill.
Walking down, we came to the Gellert Baths, which I had been to before and found to be a most confusing public place.

Together, we read other bathers' reviews of the place and compared them with my memories. Nothing is marked, and the employees only speak Hungarian. The place is a maze of tunnels, and visitors spend most of their time there wandering around looking for the baths. Towels and changing-rooms are handled in such a complicated manner that one visitor recorded that he was forced to dry himself off with his underwear. Even exiting is difficult.  Since I have now been there twice, I have some advice for the would-be Gellert bather:

1. Go past all the likely entrances, until you find an unmarked turn-style. That is where you enter.

2. Avoid the attendant who speaks English, he just wants to sell you stuff from his shop.

3. Do not think you need to follow the rules posted, no one else does.

4. Pay no attention to the arrows, they will only send you round in circles.

5. You will eventually be able to rent a towel if you are patient and check all the alcoves.

6. The hot baths are in the most unlikely places, through small passageways, round unmarked corners.

7. If you jump in the largest pool, someone will blow a whistle to get you out; unless you are wearing a bathing cap.

8. The steam rooms are way too hot, and the pools beside them are full of unmarked ice cold water.

9. The men's and women's changing-rooms are hardly marked, but that is because they are really just an open space at the top of the stairs.

10.Expect to see people stripping down and changing wherever the floor is dry.

As you can expect, my second visit was not nearly as interesting as my first experience. Less confusion, less to laugh about later. I think that is why we don't mind muddling through our first time experiences. The strange things we unexpectedly encounter build memories. 

Here is the view of Budapest as I happened upon the city last February evening.  I will never forget that first!